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Ok, besides my voice sounding really weird (it doesn't on my computer .. odd!) this is where we went on Saturday. Tasmazia. It was fantastic. Some more pics to come :)

What a difference a few days make :)

Don't get me wrong, I am still hurt by the stuff that went down, but after a fantastic family day yesterday, it puts it ALL in perspective. Life is full of bumps and lumps, and going through what feels like a never ending maze. Its how you get over it, and the paths you take.

So I'm back to my normal happy self. We are adding exercise into EVERY day now, and the kids , heck all of us are feeling much, much better. We have also made the decision for the whole family to be on my WW diet. After all the chocolate is gone, no more in the house (yes, we could be strong and chuck it, but I am better with the gradual wean down) Chips have gone before, so at least this time, no bad :P

I am also making the tough decision to go back to study next year. I am just waiting for all the little things to fall into place, but its looking like a goer. As a few of you who read this know, it was something that I just didn't pay enough attention to back in my 'youth' days, and I am hoping to fix that :)

Must go finishing editing pictures, and that will explain my epiphany :)

Just read back on the blog

I am blaming fat for everything. That is just slack! I am not trying to do that at all.

I accept that I am obese, and I need to fix that. What I don't think is fair is when the family (both mine and DH's) see me as fat first, and Fiona as a distant second.

I mean, my cousin thinks I can't play hockey because I am fat. Its on the video dear cuz if you ever read this! My inlaws think i'm fat, as they are all size 6 - 10 and size 12 is fat to them. I clearly have no hope! My husband obviously does too, as the coompliments about how I look etc have gone to pot since I put this weight on.

No point in denying it was my fault I got fat. I self medicated with food and alcohol. Don't recommend it for anyone reading this!

All I want is for people to see me as me. Not as fat Fiona.

Yup, I know I said I would be the bigger person

but this needs to come out.

It hurts that no one gives a flying flip about how I feel in relation to things. It hurts that my inlaws can't even ask me how the game went, can't say thanks or can't even look at photos I send them, but get upset when I don't respond to theirs within 24 hours.

It hurts that my husband says that 'its just sport and it doesnt matter' or that 'thats just them'. I want him to understand that it hurts. That I am trying to reach out, and I just get things shot back in my face.

Guess thats it. Guess I want to be liked. Guess people can't see through the fat, and see the real me.

I thought I was doing the right thing, but I guess not.

Reading back, I sound depressed. Mmmm, Perhaps that is it.

Well, think that the best thing is to be

the bigger person :P

Nah, in all seriousness, its not worth the bother. Lets face it, its just my self esteem! Why bring down the team celebrations over that. I at least have raised the point (and they agreed) that if they were going to use this system of subs, that they needed to be transparent about it. Not the other way. So if nothing else, that makes me feel a little better!

Now, should I go back to Uni? Would it be common sense? What to do, what to do!

Miss G started 2 weeks of school holidays today. The three of them are snuggled up on the couch watching ABC kids (yup, relented first day of holidays! Thats bad!) It should warm up in the next hour or so, and by that stage I hope Mr D decides to put some trousers on!

Am aiming to get a running jump into packing up the rest of the kitchen. Have put it off for far too long! I also need to research a yummy idea for tea on Wednesday when Miss Jayne comes. Any Ideas????

Will add some new photos in a tick :)

Gotta love relatives ..

And yet again my weight is held against me :(

Even though I played all season, pretty much the same position, pretty much EVERY minute of every game, I was treated like shit yesterday. The manager (aka cousin) dragged me 7 times :( Why? Because apparently there is 2 tiers of players in our team, and the first 11 play till they are exhausted, and us 'subs' play just when they can in a position they haven't played all flipping season.

Now I get the having the best team on the field here. That is not the problem. But not being told what has happening then getting treated like a 2 year old. That shit isn't on. Playing the team ALL year and beating them, yet treating them like a team we can't beat. That isn't on.

Guess I need to shut up and ignore it, or deal. Still doesn't stop it from hurting.

Doesn't help when your SIL accuses you of stalking :O Apparently saying hi to her when I see her online is stalking.

From now on fitness and sitting in my shell seems fine.

The good news is, one of my team members is the coordinator at Uni, and she is going to help me finish my degree :) Now thats good news!

Must go, its cooking time. I hope the kids don't poison him :P Happy Fathers Day babe :)

Well off to the hockey grandfinal ...

Wish me luck! We are playing Tamar, and by rights we should win (being we beat them all the regular season, and in the semi's) but you know finals! Here's hoping by 2 oclock we have some premiership medals round our necks and we are sipping our first (of many) cold ones!

I have discovered PSP. What fun that is! Hence, no scrapping lately. Will have to redeem that soon.

Anyhow, until another day ..